in Long Reads, Ramblings

What a cluster fuck Brexit is.

This popped up in my Facebook feed earlier today and I had an immediate knee jerk reaction to it, nothing is ever this clear cut:


So, without any further ado-ing, here’s the full post for your delectation:

Alright, you filthy animals. I don’t normally do this, because I believe that everyone should have the right to vote how they want at elections, but:

a) this ain‘t an election, it’s a referendum so go shit yourself


b) I honestly believe that the stakes are too high for me not to get involved here. If I can influence even one person with this post, then I’ll feel like I’ve done something important.

So, I’ll put my cards on the table: I believe, very very strongly, that we need to stay in the EU. I never thought I’d find myself agreeing with David ‘PigFellatio’ Cameron, but in this unfortunate case I am, and here’s why:

We stand to gain SO MUCH from staying in the EU. “How much”, you’re (probably not) asking? Well, I made a convenient list for your perusal, WITH sources, so you can’t be a twat and say ‘you’re making that up!’ and froth at the mouth like a rabid cunt.

I know people on the internet like listicles with clickbait titles, so here are “14 Reasons Why We Shouldn’t Leave The EU That Everyone Should Know! You Won’t Believe #8!”:

1) The EU provides easy access to 1/3 of the world’s markets by value (in other words, the EU’s combined market value is 1/3 of the entire world’s, and we can tap into it whenever the fuck we want). [1] It also gives UK businesses preferential market access to over 50 countries OUTSIDE the EU, including some of the fastest-growing economies in the world like South Korea and South Africa. [2]

2) The EU gives us better product safety. You know, so your toddler doesn’t impale him/herself on a shittily designed toy, or swallow a load of poisonous plastic. [3]

3) The EU gives structural funding to areas hit by industrial decline (hello, Cornwall). [4]

4) The EU gave us lead free petrol. [5]

5) The EU gives us cheaper mobile charges. [6] It also gives us cheaper air travel. [7] Fuck yeah, cheap things!

6) The EU gives us cleaner beaches, rivers and air (hello again, Cornwall). [8]

7) The EU gives us improved consumer protection and food labelling, so you actually know what it’s in your Chicken McNuggets (hint: it’s chicken. It wasn’t always chicken, though). [9]

8) The EU has helped break up monopolies. [10] If you don’t know why monopolies are a Very Bad Thing, try playing the popular board game ‘Monopoly’ and see how many friends you have left when you win.

9) The EU gives us cross-border policing to combat human trafficking, arms and drug smuggling, and terrorism. [11]

10) Being a member of the EU means no paperwork or customs for exports throughout the single market, as well as the freedom to travel, live and work across Europe. [12] This one is particularly important for me as someone who likes to live, work and travel abroad. Do you have ANY IDEA how fucking great it is to be able to travel and work visa-free?! Having to a get a visa for every single country you enter is a nightmare, believe me. If you’ve ever tried to travel around Asia, Africa or South America, you’ll understand what I’m saying.

11) The EU creates and helps uphold all kinds of awesome human rights, such as equal pay legislation, holiday entitlement, and the right not to work more than a 48-hour week without overtime. [13] I’d also like to point out that it’s some of these same human rights that David ‘PorkTwatter’ Cameron tried to erode back in 2014, with the EU playing a major role in stopping him. [14]

12) The EU creates and upholds all kinds of great animal welfare legislation; it has the strongest wildlife protection laws in the world and contributes to improved animal welfare in food production. [15]

13) The EU funds incredible scientific research and industrial collaboration (including, most recently, a project that may be the catalyst for a cure for breast cancer being found in the next few years, I shit you not). [16]

14) Finally, and arguably most importantly, the EU has for 60 years been the foundation of peace between European neighbours after many years of bloodshed. [17] It has also assisted in the extraordinary social, political and economic transformation of 13 former dictatorships, now EU members, since 1980. [18]


 [10]…/European_Union_competition_law (I know I’m not supposed to use Wikipedia as a source for its less-than-rigorous academic standards, but FUCK YOU I’m not in uni anymore, I’ll do what I like).
 [17] The Second World War, motherfucker. Read a history book.
 [18] The Cold War, motherfucker. Read a history book.

George Bevan,


Now credit where credit is due, strong post… I’ve removed some chuff about the counter-argument, overall though fairly well researched unlike a load of shite out there and some great swearing. That said, I knew there was a flip side so I did some digging and came up with the below. Now I didn’t post this on Facebook, mainly because I fucking hate the thing and my sister-in-law shared the original article so I didn’t want it to blow up as an attack back but let’s face it, hardly any of us have enough information to make an informed choice on this. It’s a fucking minefield out there.



The problem really is, you can make the facts work either way. Just need to spend long enough on it and you can find the ‘facts’ on some obscure section of the web. I’m still undecided… I get a faint whiff of Champagne Socialists from the Better in Europe campaign just as bad as the xenophobia from Vote Leave.

Either way… I’ll still wake up in the morning, walk my dog and soldier on regardless. So read the small print, sift the evidence and take a considered view. Here’s the flip side for you, a few less fucks but more citations. Stick around to the end for a nice Spectator take on it all…


  1. This is a valid point although it’s only talking about ‘access’ which is largely irrelevant. What’s relevant is that the EU’s share of global GDP has fallen from 30% in 1993 to 24% in 2013[1] as BRIC has prospered. The very paper cited in the argument above also illustrates that ’90% of world demand will be generated outside the EU’[2] and the whole premise of those bilateral trade and investment agreements are brought about due to the decline cited previously. The paper also shows that bilateral investment levels with China are below expected and as we know TTIP is still in the offing and most of the other agreements are still under discussion. You can see current agreements for South Korea are far and wide[3], I doubt it’d be an issue for the UK to secure one given that they currently exist for Norway, Turkey and Switzerland[4]. And let’s not forget, supply and demand. If people need it, they buy it and vice versa. That won’t change overnight, just the politics and economics of the deal.

    The economic impact of Brexit is not as clear cut in either direction as most previous analyses have suggested[5]. And if we did leave, what about a deal with the EU? Likely, unlike? Who knows… but what we do know is about 16% of the EU27’s external goods trade goes to Britain, more than the next highest[6], the USA (15%) and China (8%). The remaining EU would therefore have a serious incentive to conclude a free trade deal with Britain during exit negotiations.

  2. The GPSD applies in the absence of specific European regulations[7]. The EU safety legislation referenced has been transposed into UK law[8] so not to worry, we’re not complete fucking idiots. Kids are still safe.

  3. The UK has put in money to the EU for the last however many years, it’s pretty logical they’ll take it out when they can. No brainer here. Credit to Cornwall.

  4. If we’re being honest, the UK would have followed suit with the rest of the world. Regardless of whether it’s in the EU or not. It’s also now phased out in most industrialised countries, it’s only available in a few obscure countries[9]. Europe didn’t really give us lead-free petrol, we actually spearheaded it’s ban in Europe[10].

  5. We’ll take the cheaper mobile charges but the air travel is pretty fucking tenuous – it’s not cheaper. It’s the same price as everyone else in the EU. Got to read that wording carefully[11].

  6. This kind of links in to the toy legislation… the EU set a standard, it’s not like we haven’t there’s just no point in doubling up so we fall under their wider directive[12]. Either way though, we’re the country actually cleaning it up. Europe isn’t.

    By the same logic, everyone else in Europe should have cleaner beaches, rivers and air… but they don’t[13]. Basically they’d be that clean in or out.

  7. Same as above. In fact if we stay in the EU and join TTIP the standards are likely to go down so it’s not all fucking sunshine and rainbows[14].

  8. We’ve got this covered, don’t worry[15] [16].

  9. This can work just as good outside the EU. Intelligence connections such as Interpol and Five-Eyes would continue as they have been for many, many years. Europe already has a framework for setting up operational level agreements with non-EU nations (in fact there are 14 already in place, ranging from the USA to Columbia)[17]. You could also argue that the freedom of movement enshrined in the concept of the European Union (whether within or without the Schengen zone) does make it more difficult for countries to stop suspects leaving or entering their country. This means Brexit would be a security bonus to both sides, as it would make suspects’ movements more difficult[17].

  10. Bit of paperwork. Hardly a deal breaker. If anything it gives us a better idea of why people are coming and ensuring their skills can be used appropriately. See New Zealand and Australia. Google it, fuck-ton of references.

  11. They’ve done a load of good. No doubt. They’ve also done some nonsense. Not human rights but let’s bundle it all into one… those curvy vegetables Jamie Oliver and Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall bang on about… that’s Europe[18]. Remember when we all went ape-shit about lightbulbs – that was Europe. Even Lady Hale, deputy president of the supreme court and a staunch defender of the Human Rights Act, has expressed concern that “the current problem facing both Strasbourg and the member states is whether there are any limits to how far the [convention] can be developed”[19]. That said, be under no false illusion – in or out we’d probably have a load of really good and really shite rights and laws passed. Just don’t go making out we’d be all working on 5 days holiday without the EU.

  12. So whilst David, despite his penchant for pigs, has shown no desire to go beyond any minimum EU position on animal rights and is instead actively pursuing a deregulatory agenda with his administration… The UK is actually doing pretty good here on it’s own back[20]. The problems also probably rooted a little deeper than Europe. We live in a country where fuck-tards want everything for £1. Beef, £1. Chicken, £1. Why not? It’s not like you’ve got a living breathing animal to raise, feed, look after, medicate… People are unrealistic. They all want to pay next to nothing for their family shop yet cry foul when a chicken is rammed into a barn alongside 10,000 others. We can’t have it all. The sooner people realise meat isn’t cheap the better.

  13. Strong work EU. That said, if you check out the cited study you’ve got the US and Norway involved. So EU or no EU… Cancer has it coming, global effort.

  14. Yeah we kind of just moved on to the middle east once we stopped fighting with each other, and look where that’s got us. Also… it’s again not all sunshine and lollipops. Belarus is pretty messed up still[22]. And let’s face up, Europe ‘assisted’ in a transformation (I wouldn’t call it extraordinary) and it’s happened elsewhere too without the EU, kind of a sign of the times…




If you’re still reading this, well done.

Spectator wrapped it up pretty nicely.